Linz: Just had the most massive goosepoop hit my windshield while driving. I actually yelped.

Linz: It was surprising! Even though I saw the geese flying by lol

Me: Well, of course it was! No one ever EXPECTS to be attacked by giant goosepoop while driving!

Beware falling objects!


Yesterday, my friend, Jeremy, invited me to be part of a “live studio audience” for an internet based radio show he was guest co-hosting later that night. Being the amazing friend that I am, I agreed to go and thought to myself “what the hell else am I gonna do tonight?” Since I didn’t know a whole lot about the radio show’s host, I did what any normal 20-something year old would do – I Googled him. Here’s a few of the highlights of my research:

  • Frank Cotolo wrote for and worked with Wolfman Jack
  • Frank is a musician, published author, and did some acting
  • He once described himself as a “risk-taker” in an interview with Bud Bennett
  • His radio show is “Cotolo Chronicles”
  • In general he’s way cooler than my dad who’s coolest story is about being a Marine stationed in Okinawa (sorry, Daddy!)

After working a collective 12 hour day at my 2 jobs, I jumped in the car and pushed the speedometer up to 80 while I deftly navigated the highway traffic en route to meet Jeremy. FYI: While barreling down the highway, I also managed to eat dinner (a raspberry Pop-tart), wash under my arms with 5 year old baby wipes I found in my car (cause after working in the hot dry-cleaning store I was convinced I smelled like a dead possum – never mind that I’ve never actually smelled a dead possum – I just knew), sing along to The Killer’s “Mr. Brightside” at the top of my lungs, and text my sister (only while stopped at red-lights?). I parked on Jeremy’s quiet small-town street and found him on the front porch where I joined him for the next 15 minutes before we hopped in his car and headed for Frank’s.

The ride to Frank’s was fraught with near death experiences and entire conversations in which every sentence began with “To be honest…” because that’s how we roll – we subconsciously try to kill each other by driving on the wrong side of the road while simultaneously saying things like “To be honest, I don’t believe you have a fork in your bag to use to stab me in the face” (P.S. I TOTALLY had a fork in my bag!). But miraculously, all 3 of us arrived without suffering too much bodily harm; Jeremy, the fork, and me.

Looking at a thing in a bag!

Jeremy led me into the house and down to the basement. The show was already in progress so we had to sneak in without making too much noise – which was particularly trying for the fork since it was clanging around next to my keys in the bag. The basement was dimly lit, but comfortable, and filled with computers, equipment, and people – Frank, his son, Jeremy’s dad, and an unidentified man that looked to be about Frank’s age. I grabbed a seat on the sofa and settled in to enjoy the show. In a matter of minutes, I was bobbing my head along to the music and (quietly) laughing along with the guys.

Then I looked around the room and noticed that the man I could not identify was now wearing a black mesh panty-hose-esque thing over his face…a lifetime of close encounters with crazies taught me to instinctively go into “survival mode.” I quickly but calmly (so as not to let on that I knew anything) began to text Amanda.

Me: I’m in a basement with 4 grown men and a teenaged boy. I wasn’t concerned until one of the men put pantyhose over his face as if he’s about to rob a bank…

Me: Or, you know, gang rape a girl…

Amanda: Oh dear god, are you still at the radio doohickey

Me: Yeah. Show goes until 11pm

Amanda: Oh my ok…so who put pantyhose over his head? (you can tell at this point that she’s pretty used to the absurd way my mind works when I’m unsure of strangers. And just about everything else.)

Me: Idk some middle aged guy with crazy hair. He also wears glasses. Just in case you need to pick him out of a line-up 😛

Amanda: Lol! Ok good to know

Me: Now he’s wearing a fishing hat…seems as though he’s trying out different disguises to try to throw the cops off his trail

I continued to keep her updated on the goings-on in the basement studio throughout the night. It wasn’t so much that I really thought I was in any danger, but more so that my overactive imagination saw the potential for how it could be a dangerous situation if it was set in a horror movie. Plus, you can never be too safe – my anxiety-driven Gram, hours of Lifetime original movies, and the Girl Scouts taught me that at an early age. Anyway, I was wearing all black and sitting next to an exterior door, so I was pretty confident I could dash out the door and hide in the protection of the night until the police found me if I needed to.

Before I knew it, Frank and Jeremy had invited me to join the live conversation and I was being quizzed on all things autism, twitter, travel, on-line dating, popular girl names, and marriage. Because clearly I’m a leading expert on ALL these things! With Frank at the helm, we all bantered, laughed, and offered our thoughts (and jokes) on each of these subjects. Frank even joked that I would be the (future?) European Texan Correspondent for the show! And then invited all his listeners to follow me on twitter @RoamingWalker. But time flew by, and before I knew it the show was over and I was both high on the exhilarating fun of it all and sad that it was over. Jeremy and I stayed and hung out with Frank, his son, and the unidentifiable man who I found out goes by “Smitty”…at least that’s what Jeremy called him all night long.

I texted Amanda this morning. Partly to tell her how inspiring Frank is, partly to let her know she didn’t have to file that missing persons report, and partly because I wanted to tell her how much fun I had not getting gang raped last night:

Me: I really enjoyed it! And I’m FB friends with the unidentifiable guy now. But I still think he might be a serial killer & shouldn’t be trusted.

Amanda: I’m glad lol…

I imagine this is probably the part when she turns to her husband and says, “Honey, we need to get her on some meds or something…”

Below is an actual text conversation I had just moments ago with a dear friend. For the two of us, it’s not at all awkward, but recognizing the awkwardness level should a “normal” person stumble upon it, I thought it belonged on this blog.

Me: I’m not sure I could handle that if I were him. I’m a bad person like that. Plus,  I’m afraid of feet.

Manda: Lol feet are scary

Me: They REALLY are!! This is why we’re friends. Well, this and I really appreciate not having to wear pants around you.

The moral of the story? Friends don’t make friends wear pants.

A few months back, through the miracles of social media, an old high school friend and I began communicating for the first time in 10 years. We didn’t talk much in high school, but whatever, we were both shy back then and apparently we’re both less shy now.
So we emailed – sharing stories of what we’ve been doing (or not doing) with our lives. As it turns out, I cancelled my wedding and began planning to live a life of a vagabond while he recently decided to find a wife. He pointed out that with my plans to travel I wouldn’t be a very good prospect for him. I tried to keep my sigh of relief down to a whisper. Not that he’s not a great guy. He is, I’m sure. I just prefer guys that don’t take religion and classic Super Nintendo games quite as seriously as he does…plus I can’t shake the mental image I have of him from high school – tall, lanky, and awkwardly laughing at EVERYTHING! We continued our friendship. He shared the misadventures of his quest to find Mrs. Right while I regaled him with tales of my plans for life on the road.

Then one day he called me. Cool, it’ll be nice to actually talk to him. Just like calling up one of my close gal pals, right? Right…  We chatted on like 2 people catching up normally would for about a half hour. Again, mostly sharing stories of his dating life and my travel plans. But somehow we wound up talking about hiking and good hiking trails. I mentioned a few around my neck of the woods which is about 3 hours east of his neck of the woods.

Me: “Yeah, that trail is a really good one, although I don’t know how high it goes.”

Him: “Oh, that’s cool. Maybe I could come visit and we can pack a dinner and climb the mountain?”

Me: “That sounds…um…like…uh…”

Him: “Romantic?”

Me: “I was going to say ‘like that song from The Sound of Music…’ ”

He politely laughed. I laughed harder. And longer. I mean, I was being serious – that shit sounds like “The Sound of Music”